I Don't Blame You
by The Luna Complex
Summary: Songfic to A Little Less Candles, A Little More Touch Me by Fallout Boy.Follow Lily and James from the moment they make a mutual agreement to the moment James finally decides to kiss her.


_ I confess, I messed up._

_Drop it, I'm sorry, like you're still around._

_And I know you dressed up,_

_Hey, kid, you'll never live this down._

* * *

James was nervous. He knew everything he had ever done to try and win her over have been failures. "Her" being Lily Evans. He made to run a hand through his messy, jet-black hair, but caught himself just in time. 

_She doesn't like that you dolt!_

He was so lost in his thoughts that he didn't hear the portrait open and close. It was when he heard that gentle, melodic voice calling his name that he turned his neck so quickly it snapped.

"Ouch."

She giggled behind her hand.

_I made her laugh!_

Lily swished her long red hair behind her and raised an eyebrow at James.

"You wanted to talk to me?"

"Er... yeah. You see, Ev..." he caught himself just in time, "Lily, I know I've been a jerk. Or, in your words, an 'arrogant bullying toerag.'

"I just thought you should know that I've only ever been that way because I was trying to impress you. I realized that my attempts were useless, but there was no way I could win you over anymore.

"I figured any kind of attention from you was better than none, even if it was negative, so I kept at it, always pestering you, always killing myself on the inside.

"Lily, I promise I won't ask you out this year if you promise that we'll act civil to each other."

The whole time James was speaking Lily was staring at him dumbfounded. As she looked into the hopeful hazel eyes of the boy in front of her, she couldn't help it. A slow smile crept its way onto her lips.

"We'll see, James."

This time, it was James' turn to smile.

* * *

_You're just the girl all the boys want to dance with._

_I'm just a boy who's had too many chances._

_I'm sleeping on your folk's porch again, dreaming._

_She said, "Why don't you just drop dead?"_

* * *

That was in sixth year. Now it was the summer before his seventh year and James had kept to his promise of leaving Lily alone. Somehow, though, he had still managed to get rejected by her.

James couldn't sleep at all. It was unbelievably hot for England and he couldn't stand it. He also couldn't get the promise he made to Lily out of his head. Of course, they hadn't exactly become friends yet, but they have come to a mutual agreement. James wasn't pleased though. In Lily's definition, being civil to each other meant she didn't have to talk to him at all. She would only confront him if absolutely necessary.

James looked at the head boy badge in his hand. He knew she would be head girl. She would have to talk to him now. But he simply couldn't wait until the school year started.

He didn't pay much mind to the fact that the clock on his wall read 1:00 in the morning as he grabbed his broom and flew out his window.

James was suddenly thrust into reality as Lily's house came into view. There were no lights on. However, James was tired and there was a comfy looking front porch swing in front of her house. Soon enough, James was fast asleep.

He dreamed of her.

A piercing scream woke James up. He found himself face-to-face with a thin, blonde girl who looked as though we was going to pass out at any second.

"'Tunia, what's wrong?"

He knew that voice from anywhere.

"Lily!"

She looked at him, her face wild with confusion.

"Potter! What are you doing here?"

For once, he was lost for words. Why _was_ he here? He had no idea.

"I... er... I... don't know..."

"What?!"

Her face quickly changed from confusion to outrage.

"You slept on my front porch for no apparent reason, Potter? I thought you promised to leave me alone! Why don't you just drop dead or something and leave me be!"

Her words hurt him and, for a change, he showed it.

He sadly showed her his head boy badge before flying off again.

* * *

_Write me off, give up on me._

_'Cause, darling, what did you expect?_

_I'm just off a lost cause._

_A long shot, don't even take this bet._

* * *

Lily was so confused. She had been head girl alongside James Potter for months and he hadn't asked her out once. Of course, he _had_ promised not to... but can James Potter really be expected to keep promises?

_He hasn't given up on me, has he?_

She wondered why the thought of this scared her. It didn't take her long to figure it out though.

_Oh, Merlin. I like James Potter._

* * *

_I don't blame you for being you._

_But you can't blame me for hating it._

* * *

Lily was late for patrols. It was surprising, seeing as Lily was never late. She ran full-speed down the stairs of her head's dormitory and almost tripped on the way. She desperately tried to calm her fast heartbeat as she approached James. She had a feeling the run wasn't the only thing causing it to beat.

James smiled and nodded at her before heading out the portrait hole. She silently followed.

They walked in companionable silence for a while before James spoke.

"L-Lily," he nervously stuttered, "Do you hate me?"

The question took her by surprise. Of course she didn't hate him!

"Of course not, James."

He swallowed before continuing, "Did you hate me? I mean, back in fifth year?"

"James, I hated the way you were arrogant. I hated the way you treated other people. But, I can't blame you for it, I mean it was your own life and you had the right to live it. You just can't blame me for hating the way you acted. No, James, I really didn't hate you. I just thought I did. Now you've grown up and I'm finding that I really quite like you."

_Oh, crap, where did _that_ come from?_

"Lily, do you mind if I break a promise, just this once?"

"Wha- " she started, but he silenced her with his finger.

"Lily Evans, will you go out with me?"

A big smile broke out on her face.

"Yes, James Potter, I will."

* * *

_So say, "What are you waiting for? Kiss her! Kiss her!"_

_I set my clocks early 'cause I know I'm always late._

* * *

Lily had allowed James to take her to Hogsmeade and he tried his hardest to prove to her that he could be a perfect gentleman. He set all of his clocks to be ten minutes fast because he didn't want to be late.

When he arrived in the head's common room, he gasped at the sight before him.

His date had her long, auburn curls hanging loosely around her waist. She wasn't wearing much makeup, just a bit of lip-gloss and eyeliner to accent her almond-shaped emerald eyes. She didn't need much anyway. She was naturally beautiful. She had a simple green peasant skirt that ended right above her knees and a white camisole covered by a thin, green jumper.

He offered her his arm and she accepted it with a smile.

The whole Hogsmeade trip was spent laughing and subtlety flirting with Lily. Neither of them realized how quickly the time went by and both were sad at having to end the day.

As James was saying goodnight to her in the head's common room he had a furious battle going on inside his head.

_Should I kiss her?_

Every inch of his body was screaming at him to, but his head was telling him she might not be ready.

She was just about to turn and go when something in her eye threw all his worries out the window and he grabbed her and pulled her close.

They were both panting just as the closeness of eachother.

"Lily," he whispered, "Can I kiss you?"

She nodded imperceptibly, but James got the message. Slowly, he lowered his face and brought his lips to hers.

What started out as a sweet, gentle kiss quickly turned into a rough, passionate one, filled with longing and desire. By the time they reluctantly broke the kiss, Lily was plastered to the wall against James body and they were both breathing heavily.

She smiled and placed a gentle peck on his lips.

"Goodnight, James."

He stared after her, his fingers gently touching his bruised lips where hers once were.

"Goodnight, Flower," he whispered.


End file.
